My heart and I are strangers today...

y heart and I are strangers tonight…

I ask my heart…what she seeks...

I implore…plead…her to answer...

She chose not to speak to me...

Like an angry silent couple...we fight..

Knowing…not knowing what the other wants

Our heart beats in a jarring grumpy silence

My heart and I are strangers tonight..

Following the race…an arduous climb…

I pursue the crowd .. Lost.. somewhere 

I look back searching for the real …

In the distance…I see her..my heart distant

She chose to  rest… to pause..to stay back

I beseech her to take me back…to her will

Away from the  noisy din of this world..

My heart and I are strangers today...

I implore ..I plead ..her to answer

Take me back to that moment...where she spoke

Far from... this din of this world..

My heart and I were not strangers ..then

Yes…I heard her heartbeat…my heartbeat…

gently ever so gently...you let me go

.

Slipping from the slopes of  passion... careless

It is so much more...love? Much more...

We fall gently ever so gently to something less

 A "familiar "something" ...We know no more

What do we remember? What did we forget?

We hold dear... yesterday's promise.

And care not to ask  for more..lest the other did forget.

We cling to today, until tomorrow's demise

All that is less...The heart tries to ignore...

We fall..silent... gently ever so gently..

More... than the heart can endure

Less. That we let go gently...ever so gently

Ever..Tho' Never

If you wish to cleave..stab my heart..

Hold me cruelly as yours alone..to never part

If you demanded my soul, my whole, my sin

Yes, to you, I would oblige...Yours! An easy win...

If you asked for all but my one prized possession.

It would be all yours..such is my obsession...

But ask...in the chill of this cold night...to share my warm blanket..

And..I will promptly refuse..Tho' our love is a dear trinket...

Hmphf!, I won't share my blanket!..Never..

To tell the world ...it ain't normal....an ode...to mental illness

How do I tell the world?

Of the ghosts that live hidden in the mind..

That make a man fear his very shadow..

The ghosts that make a man just his shadow

A shadow of what he used to be...his mind

Of how, depressed.. he cowers in tears and fear

Hush! The world must never know..Never Mind!

And tomorrow, he will be another man, dear..!

Super invincible with dreams and incoherent passion..

From depressed south to bipolar north, he will waver

Sadness, tears to an invincible God..from pride to compassion..

The world can't know his woes...for normalcy would waver..

Hide in veils..his days of wrath and anger..

Blasphemy...that there exist an absurd world outside this world?

Dismiss the ghosts that he alone sees...and it's danger

His wife..his kids..who straddle his world and this world...

Paint his dark shadow in...light colors acceptable...

This world has no place for darkness...Stay normal...!

Hide him, his shadow..for it ain't to society...palatable..

How do I tell the world that this isn't normal?

The End of the Line

I walk along the shores of freedom...

The sea weeds tangle my feet..

My feet sinks into the sinking sand

As the waves wash away memories and my feet

Childhood memories...youth...even yesterday..

Seems distant like another life...not mine

Ties.. relationships...a passing glimmer for the day

The sunset waits further down...the end of the line

just be

To go someplace where nobody knows my name..

Somewhere far where life ain't a race to name and fame

A nook, a cranny....of the world where I can just be....Just be

To mix in a crowd, to smile at strangers...

To let my eyes wander and observe the kindred in strangers

To love for moment... someone's smile, a laugh...Just be

To watch the sea of humanity like riding an endless wave

See them and feel their soul in a passing hello..a wave!

To know another without ever knowing them...Just be

The roots..remind me

The sunlight, she glides through the trees...and escapes...

Rays of  shiny freedom shine through the green leafy gold..

The wind does whisper secrets to the branches to hold..

The river faraway has a faint song on shuffle mode like on audio tapes

There is moss entwined on the trees... holding us close..

I look up in awe at the forest of mighty trees..touching the sky...close..

Until my foot stumbles on the journey of their networked roots...

Reminding me that it is the endurance of the sinewy roots...

The quiet roots that overcome the apathy of the mountain rocks, with persistence..

That make the trees of the Olympic stand tall.. in the sky with magnificence

Gossamer Lies

He weaves gossamer lies....

Intricate patterns, a web that held her

Hostage to the lies he told her..

Sometimes she knew his lies

And yet..she stayed... like he fooled her

For he was the only soul who knew her..

Like the fly in a spider web...She..His eyes

Ephemeral

Love is but eternal truth in a moment..

Love is but a momentary lie in eternity

You and I...I pause to think of us for a moment..

A moment in the past...a memory for eternity

An ugly paradox

The weather report announces...the Sahara Dust Plume..

It will make the sky a hue of violet... unusual

Everywhere sickness and death does loom...

And..as people die of hunger, life goes on as usual..

Meetings, deadlines and business goals... that deny gloom..

And, you and me..we romance and kiss as usual..

An ugly paradox

We would...We would make do

On a magic carpet, we would fly..

You, my Alladin..and me..Jasmine

Kiss the clouds...and hug the sky..

Mountain peaks, pole caps.. sceneries fine

And if all these fantasies are but a lie..

Just be there and just be mine...

On a boat for two, floating in dusky twilight...

Dancing to the  gentle waves as they ebb and tide

We can look together at the blue hues of orange light

With a companionship, we cannot hide..

And if all these dreams are quick to flight...

Let it all be, and just sit beside...

On a starry night on a seashore..a beautiful sight

You and me just lie down on the sand ..

Find constellations in mellow moonlight..

To the song on the radio...and it's our favorite band

And if these desires never ever see light..

Just look at today's sky...and  hold my hand

In forests green, and the sound of still crickets

Walk along the trails, the branches touch our shoulders light

Our feet in rhythm rustling leaves, through bushes and thickets

The shade of trees and an occasional silver of light

And if this togetherness  isn't ours..Darn! Crickets!

We will make do with a walk in the neighborhood in streetlight..

Yes, We will make do....as long as we are but together...

Would it be neat?

Like strangers, unfamiliar souls... We shall again be...Wouldn't it be neat?

Wiping our past and future clean....Decades forgotten in an heartbeat

We shall walk apart.. our memories kicked away in the dust of our feet

You...walk away a few steps ahead..Just another face...you see and never meet

Yes, we shall be vagabond souls on a crowded street...

I wonder though...will our eyes betray our souls and our feet...

Will they still exchange a glance...Will our hearts like before skip a beat?

Will we like strangers once again  intuitively meet?

Only to take the same road again to love or will we destiny defeat?

Yes, I often wonder...if we would be strangers again..would we be destiny or will we never meet?

A room called grief...

There is a room in my house... Yes...grief...
Only I know the way to this elusive room...
A room that  in solitude contains all my grief...
And yet it has no walls to contain it...this room
I try to tell you the way to find and share my grief..
You knock, hoping to find my make-believe room..
It hides in plain sight like unexpressed love, this grief
There are no windows here that lets light into gloom
The darkness so bright...you never see this grief
You knock again,as you want to peek into my doom
I open the door and call out to my grief..
I turn back to show you my grief... my gloom
It disappears..thin air...My eternal yet ephemeral grief....
I turn back to you and try to say..there was a room
You smile and say.."Yes, I know...I don't know your grief .
But, I know mine...I have my room too..my grief..my room!"
And yet when we try and share our grief...
All we have are empty words  that fill this room
A room...empty of grief... Emptiness..in lieu of grief

The Sonnet’s curse and a limerick’s arse


I sat down to write a limerick..a tease
Instead, I wrote a long verse, taking my time
Like the urge to pick your nose, or to sneeze
The poet  in me feels an urge to write in rhyme

The sonnet long has 14 lines from bad to worse..
The poet must write long lines, thought she earns not a dime
At the most akward of times, she breaks into a verse
In her alphabet soup, there lands a poem lame or sublime..

ABABCDCDEFEFGG, is the sonnet’s curse
To make the poem fit the Shakespeare's quatrains..
She forces words to ryhme and that is her curse
In rhymes and syllable rules, life’s meaning drains..

More rules to make it a sonnet?, my verse become that party bore..
No more darn rules, I will stick with free verse and lore

A limerick, again needs to rhyme...
Has to be funny  to stand the test of time...
And bawdy like yes..Edward Lear

Forced to be funny, my verse now just wipes the rear
Who has the time to make a verse rhyme

Rules to make it a limerick? My verse refuses to be that bore..
No rules for me, I will stick with free verse and lore

Aversion

A version of me still loves you..

Not you...I guess.. A version of you...

A version of you...still loves me..

Not me...I guess...A version of me

Aversion...

Forty and more..

As I turn forty, mere numbers on the speedometer..these years.. this  life.,
Miles of my past whizz past, faces, voices..places... feelings...reduced to numbers..
Memories, choices, decisions, moments... vignettes from my life...
Like sand...childhood, teens,college, grad school, love.. marriage, family... the years slip away fast from my fingers
At every cross road, I chose a path then...
A path that found it's way to this moment...now..
Took me farther from that moment... then...
Friends, faces, near and dear...some still with me here... now
Some blurred in the strokes of distance and time diverged... memories from then...
In moments still and  true, I reflect...look back to then.. in nostalgia...
Memories, peace....a tinge of regret.. like ripples on a still lake...
 Thoughts that find no words...Feelings.. Aphasia..
My mind switching from past to present... the road ahead I must take...
Questions? Thoughts? Purpose?...Slowdown? Get ahead? Fast?
And thankfully.. before I can think too much...
The alarm clock rings to another day... Time to make breakfast
Hugs and morning cuddles, my daughter's giggles...  A friend calls...Work ahead...Life is such...
In these moments true and fleeting...I find reason...along the way
Yes, In the path I lead ahead...I know I shall measure not the years..
But  these moments true, when my soul knows it has found it's way...
Yes! Life goes on... Forty and more...in moments true..

Love..it said...

At Vegas tonight, I looked outside the window pane...
A bus stood waiting on the strip outside...
'Love' It said..as it waited for folks to hop on, hop off the sidelane..
Before it leaves on yet another ride..
Flashy billboards, Skyscraper greedy for the skies, Vanity!
Slot machines and poker tables, Cigarette smoke and stench of money
People walking... looking for fun...for sin...A sea of humanity..
Where love is just one night...Honey?
Yes, a bus stood waiting....on the strip outside..
"Love" It said..

My daughter turns 10...

Ten years ago, I held her..the first time amidst happy tears
Afraid to hold her, afraid...  afraid to fail her..
Ten years past, now.. I hold her in my frail fears
Afraid to let go, afraid...afraid that the world will fail her
Ten years hence, I know I will in nostalgia..yearn for these years
Afraid to face an empty nest, when the world beckons her
The years shall pass swift, and moments slow...
There are times, I will give up my world willingly for hers
And sometimes, grudgingly too..in moments low..
She comes first..Yes I will pause my dreams in lieu of her
The quandary is that...she shall my footsteps follow..
Someday when she is a mom, confused like me..
In a bid to be like me, Will she give up her dreams and follow?
That fear then.. makes me pursue my dreams in vigor...once more
I may pause my dreams for her...But..I will once again my dreams follow
Yes, I am Aanya's mom, yes I am...But I am more..
Decades hence,when she thinks of me and does my steps follow..
She shall say..."My mom pursued her dreams...So shall I!

Couples lie...Couplets!

How are you? ..he spoke..hesitant
 "I am fine..and you?" , I asked..resistant...
"All is well" he replied.. "Life goes on..!"
A couple of lies...And we move on...
"What are you thinking about? ", she did ask
" Nothing ",he smiled as he went about his task
And yet, they felt the silent lie
A couple of lies...Yes...Couples lie

Two cuppas chai

Years back, we sat on either side of an old old wobbly table...
People around us in neighboring tables, sipping tea in a relaxed rush...
Some loud, a few louder in their silence, reading sprawled newspapers on the table..
Two cuppas of smoky cardomom chai...stood witness between us...

Two cuppas chai....Strangers unraveling each other's souls...


Years between us, I long once again for that wobbly table...
To sip in silence, two cuppas of cardomom chai...and us..
To once again become strangers, curious unfamiliar souls...with no past labels...
Eager to devour each other's thoughts... as two cuppas chai stand in solidarity with us..

Yes, Two cuppas chai..Wish we were strangers again..unfamiliar souls..